So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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