he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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