I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
