there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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