i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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