I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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