bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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