my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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