The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
