Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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