I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
