How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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