Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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