Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
