ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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