hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
