I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
