She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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