perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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