yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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