I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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