Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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