I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
