Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
