I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
