either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
