my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
