Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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