I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
