I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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