If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I need water and some morals
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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