At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
