Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
