I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
