He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
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I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
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Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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