So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
MIDGETS
????
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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