YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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