it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
