Me. At least after what I've been through.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
