You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
