well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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