I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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