between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just blew my weed a kiss
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
