In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
