I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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