i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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