i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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