Nicole vs. Life
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
