Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
