i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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