I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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