I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
