Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
