well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
