Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Panties = found
Randomize
