Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
