This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
