I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Randomize
