dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Randomize
