You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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