My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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