If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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