I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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