i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Panties = found
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
