Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
