Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
