Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
