Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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