I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I looked at my own cervix.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
