first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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