Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
