I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize