I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
