I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
