So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
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i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Are we still banned from the library?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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