i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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