i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
