I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
