how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
