omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
And then he peed in my hair
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