Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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