Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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