Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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