You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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