It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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